I hate my life... Ok. Not really. I don't hate my life I hate life in general. I feel like there is no cure for the things I hate in my life except to fix myself, and I don't know how. I feel like broken damaged goods. I feel like a square tryng to fit it's self into a triangle. It's not working and everyone can tell no matter how hard I try. Hell, I feel like tryng harder is worse sometimes. I've been through this over and over again to the point where I feel like I don't even care anymore. I mean, I did write a whole entry about it, but... If I can't be what I'm supposed to be maybe I should just let it go and stop trying?

Maybe my major wasn't a good fit for me, but I don't think anything I do will be right. I just got to pick something, grit my teeth and do it because I have to. I'm not a scientist. I think science is quite boring. It's so much cooler in movies. I never thought of that as a problem until a year ago. I mean, lots of people go to school for things they aren't passionate about. So why is it a problem if I do? I thought that was pretty normal.

I feel like I'm just whining. I had my 3rd day of clinical rotations today. I hate it. Well, hate is a strong word. Maybe strongly dislike... very much don't like. It's not so bad. I'm there for 8 hours, and it goes by a lot faster than I thought it would. I thought it would feel like forever, but it's okay. It's the people, it's always the people... there already all don't like me, and all only because I don't talk enough or I don't talk the right way, the way they want me to. I encounter this so much. And maybe I could use some work in places. Like I don't like asking how are you back, or saying good morning, or have a good night. I could just grit my teeth and do it, but it feel so fake I feel like everyone would be able to tell I don't actually mean it. But is that not also normal? Not everyone means that everytime do they?