I always feel like everyone hates me and I don't know why. I'm always anxious and I don't understand why. For the most part, my life is pretty good, but any small imperfection sets me off and I end up feeling sad and anxious. Maybe I just get overwhelmed easily? I blame class. I always feel uncomfortable and judged on all sides when I'm there. I feel like I feel that anytime I'm around another person I feel that way. I thought going to a smaller school would be better for social anxiety and in some ways it is, except for the actually classes. There is so much more focus and expectation on you in a small class of 10 than a large lecture hall of 200 students. Now that I''m an upper classmen taking specilized classes I miss the animosity of a large class. I do like there being less students in the halls inbetween classes though. I used to hate that.
Thank god I only have one year left of school. I wonder if it was even worth it to go to college. I choose a major I thought I could get a job in and have good benefits. I started to realize I wasn't interested in the topic pretty early on. Which I'm okay with. But if I could choose a job/major I loved or was passionate about I would have gone into the arts. I don't know what's more important: money or passion? should I have gone down the route of practicality? When I applied for the program I'm in now I told them my reasons for going into my major and they seemed pretty shocked by it. Is it more normal to go into things you're interested in? I didn't think so. Maybe it's just my particular major that attracts people who actually care about what they're doing? Well I'm going to try and finish anyway even if I'm unsure. I think my professors can tell I have no interest in this major, and I feel jealous when I see other students show so much interest in the topic. I wish I could feel like that. Makes me feel like I did something wrong for being so bored in comparison.